18-06-08 – Crutch
February 5, 2009
everyone needs a crutch
sometihng to rely on
something to cling to in the early hours
be it a bottle of vodka
a bag of powder
the love of your life
or a delusional hope that everything will be ok
i have my own crutch
something i rely on
the world isn’t a fairytale
there are no happy answers
everything won’t be ok tomorrow
after a good nights sleep or after time has healed the pain
hurt remains forever
no matter how much you push it away
stamp it down with promises of what might be
it’ll always be there, ready to pounce
it’s easy to feel strong when life is good
it’s easy to feel good when you feel strong
the real test comes when things aren’t going to plan
it’s in those times the hurt raises it’s ugly head
pulls you back down, stamps on you
fearing those moments and dreading their power
that’s not strength
hiding the fear with delusions of self
that’s not a crutch you can rely on
avoiding the truth only hurts more
every time you fall
facing the pain still hurts
but it brings acceptance
acceptance stems the flow
it’s not a magic potion that makes the pain go away
but it lessens it’s effects
like a painkiller doesn’t kill the tumour
it dampens the senses to the pain the tumour causes
that’s my crutch
my senses are dampened
i know life can be cruel
i know people can’t be relied on
i know i can’t even rely on myself
i know there are no pretty answers that make everything ok
i know there’s no such thing as karma
i know the war is over and the good guys lost
but every day i wake up, i care less
i find what i need to be ok, today
if i don’t find it today, i try again tomorrow
some days it works, some days it doesn’t
but it’s real
i don’t have to fear tomorrow
i don’t have to fear myself
acceptance is my crutch
